Kenny’s Blog - 9

Today I took out my old guitar and for a piece of kit that hadn't been played for 8 years, it was in surprisingly good condition. The strings needed to be replaced but the sound was tight, bright and resonant. From the first chord I felt the neurons in my brain fire up as my hand gripped onto the fretboard and the strings vibrated softly under my fingers.

Nathan had called me a few hours prior to inform me that The Upsiders were performing in a venue near my family home, which had fallen in line with my visit completely by coincidence. He told me that Hot Chocolate was going to travel in by train after visiting his family but due to issues with the train, would not make it to the venue in time for the first half of the show! Nathan asked me if I would be able to fill in for HC for the first half of the set to an audience of 200 people. I’ll admit that I was hesitant. I had not performed in front of a proper audience for a few years and I was terribly worried that my stage presence would be awful. However, after a steady stream of consistent assurance from Nathan, I caved and agreed to perform, after all, he is very persuasive.

Being the proper little rock star that I am, I made my way down to the club with my Mum in toe, talking with great enthusiasm about how excited she was as she had not seen me play for years. Whilst it was truly heartwarming to get the encouragement, it did nothing to calm my nerves which were rapidly building as we approached the venue. We were greeted by a very suave dark red building with sign reading ‘The Millionaires Club’ embroidered across the front of the building. In spite of its aesthetic overhaul I recognised this place instantly, it was ‘The Leatherwood Club’ where me and Jenny used to visit all those years ago.

Joe walked out of the front of the venue donning black trousers, a pristine white shirt and the yellowest of braces. He walked right up to me with the biggest grin on his face!

“Kenny, you are a lifesaver!”

He noticed my mum standing next to me.

“Oh, hello, I’m Joe. You must be Kenny’s sister?”

My Mum giggled. 

“Sadly I’m not, I’m Kenny’s Mum, Stacey.”

“Well hey, Stacey! Can I steal Kenny for a bit to get him setup on stage? I’ll point you through to the VIP section so you can get a good view.”

“Wow, I’m not used to first class treatment! I’ve got a couple of my friends coming, would they be able to join me in VIP?”

“Normally, that would be a no, but for you, Stacey, I’ll make it happen.”

I wasn't sure what was happening but there was a weird tension that was making me uncomfortable, I chipped in…

“Okay, let's go.”

The rest of the guys were all backstage and I was greeted like a champion. We got stuck in with prepping for the performance immediately. The four of them walked me through the songs that we were performing. Callum was singing and playing ukulele, Nathan was chipping in melodies with the melodica, Ryan and Joe were running in and out of the room moving stuff onto the stage, setting up the drum kit and unravelling a multitude of cables. The whole vibe of the room was nothing short of frantic but the focus of everyone was strangely calming. Outside the room we could hear the bustle of the club swelling in volume as the venue filled up with people. The prospect of playing to strangers was terrifying but every song we ran through filled me with pure adrenaline.

“One last thing…” said Callum, reaching into his bag. He pulled out a pair of Yellow Braces and handed them to me.

“Now you're officially an Upsider!”

A wave of satisfaction swept over me as I clipped the braces onto my trousers and pulled them up over my shoulders. With big grins and a series of high fives, we walked out onto the stage.

The crowd cheered enthusiastically as we took our positions, I plugged my guitar into the amp as Callum lent into the microphone.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are The Upsiders and we are here to make you move, make you groove and make some noise!”

Ryan went straight into the first song with full force and the room was up, they were moving, they were grooving and the cheers of delight filled me with an ecstasy that I had not felt in a long, long time. I could feel my hands shaking a little from the adrenaline but somehow my hands were moving across the fretboard of the guitar effortlessly. It was like I was born to do this, this was my moment and everything about it felt so right. After the first couple of songs I really began to enjoy myself, becoming totally comfortable sharing the stage with these four fantastic individuals. Every now and then, I would throw in a little lick of musical flourish and which would be followed with Joe, Nathan and Ryan catching my eye to exchange nods of approval. Five songs in, Callum walked over to me on the stage and made an announcement to the audience.

“Alright guys, Kenny is going to let rip the wildest of guitar solos. Everyone, let's show Kenny some love!”

This had not been planned and for a few seconds I could feel my heart racing at the realisation that I would be making this up off the top of my head. Tapping the chorus pedal I launched into screeching guitar lead with just about every technique I could muster. Slides, tapping, bends and polyrhythms for good measure, the room went absolutely bananas. After a glance at Callum, he jumped into the next part of the song and the room erupted into applause, chanting my name.

I looked out at the audience and time seemed to stand still. The lights and the music seemed to wave over me like the sun-soaked ocean from when I first met The Upsiders. The past year flashed before my eyes. It felt like everything had led to this. I wasn't even sure what this was, but it was definitely a turning point for me. The point where I could start turning life around. I was going to spend time with the people I genuinely care about, make time for friends and family, do a job that didn't suck the life out of me, have dreams and ambitions again It starts now. From across the room, I could see Hot Chocolate watching from the bar, beer in hand. When our eyes made contact, he smiled and gave me a thumbs up, a small gesture but it felt good to know I wasn’t botching it. My eyes moved across the crowd of beautiful, joyous faces, then I spotted something that made my heart stop.

A woman standing near the stage, gently swaying to the beat, she flicked her long black hair back and stared at me with an intensity that made the rest of the world disappear.

It was Jenny.

I felt Nathan’s hand on my shoulder snap me back into reality as Callum finished up the set.

“Before we take a break, we just want to give a massive ‘thank you’ to Kenny for stepping in at the very last second. He absolutely killed it, wouldn't you all agree?”

The room cheered once more, I could very distinctly hear my Mum and her friends scream in joy from the VIP section. We put our kit down and made our way backstage. The guys all formed a group hug around me and congratulated me for a gig well played. Hot Chocolate turned up with a piña colada in hand.

“Nathan told me that you like these…”

We talked for a few minutes about the possibility of me jumping in again for some future gigs, there were no two ways about it, if opportunity came knocking, I would be there. We made our way out of the backstage room and we were greeted by a crowd of individuals all asking for selfies, socials and links for music, my mother leading the crowd with great enthusiasm. I found it all somewhat overwhelming so the rest of the band let me head off to the bar to get a drink. Stood there, waiting for me, was Jenny. It was so hard to find the words to say. I had thought about it so many times when I was younger but so much time had passed.

“I tried to find you Jenny, I did try, but you and your mum left so quickly that…”

“You don’t need to apologise for anything, we had to get away from my dad he wouldn't get help until we left, it's actually why I’m here now…”

I bought Jenny a drink and the two of us sat down in the VIP bar. Part of the area had been converted into an outside bar which had an open wall, exposing the left side of stage, you could literally sit with your cocktail and watch the music (very classy). At first we talked about the world, music, cracked a few jokes, there was no mistaking it was still the same Jenny from all these years ago, maybe a little taller and world-weary.

Then we began talking about her life, how her dad had gone to rehab for his various addictions and was finally building his life back up again. Jenny had decided to be the bigger person and make contact with him again, even if she held him at arm's length, he was still her dad. I could barely find the words to describe my own feelings about the situation but I was happy that she seemed at peace with the chaos of her own past. After Jenny and her mum had moved to London, she got a qualification and was in the final stages of becoming an optician. I felt completely humbled and unable to prevent myself from comparing her to my own life choices. I could have definitely played my hand better. When I said as much, she looked visibly amused.

“I can’t believe you would talk yourself down like that, Kenny. Even to this day, I would still say you are one of the coolest people I know and we haven't seen each other in like 10 years! Seeing you up on that stage, I saw someone full of life, someone who was truly living in the moment. I wish I could do that more often.”

“If you think that’s me then maybe you don’t know me that well…”

“Kenny, life is a never ending stream of ups and downs and we are the culmination of our own little worlds, the good and the bad. The intellectual cynic struggling to find a sense of direction, that is you. But the sentimental artist who managed to captivate a room full of strangers with nothing but a guitar and bucket full of charisma, that is you too!”

I couldn't stop myself smiling. Even when we were younger she had a way of pulling the rug of cynicism from underneath me, making me realize my world wasn't anywhere near as gloomy or depressing as it seemed, at least not in the right company. Although, there was one thing that was still playing on my mind.

“Jenny, how did you end up here tonight?”

“Honestly, I felt like walking down because I wanted to reminisce a little on my own. It has been so long and I wanted to see what had become of this tiny town. I walked up to this club and heard the music and just felt the need to wander in. I’m glad I did!”

The Upsiders jumped back onto the stage and continued their set, starting an understated but sweet rock ballad for the finishing number and as the chords gradually swelled with a celebratory grandeur, I felt Jenny’s hand slowly slide into mine. As our two hands clasped each other, we could feel a wave of satisfaction settle in. For a moment, we looked at each other, saying nothing. There was nothing to be said.

Just this moment.

Jenny...

Me...

And the music.

She had never looked so beautiful. As the music came to a close, I couldn't help but think to myself.

This is enough for me. This is perfect.